上岛咖啡西餐厅

A quick restaurant review:

One of the first things Shanghai Foreign Language School did for me when I started teaching there was to take me to 上岛咖啡 (UBC Coffee) - an inexplicably popular, upmarket chain of coffeeshops, which seems to have carved a lucrative niche for itself in a market hungry for (perceived) Western sophistication.

The name literally means 'Up Island Coffee', so I can only assume that the letters UBC were chosen arbitrarily in order to give the impression of some sort of international cachet. The sign above is of a branch in Daoli district, Harbin. It reads 上岛咖啡西餐厅 (Up Island Coffee, Western Dining) which is a bit of a stretch for its peculiar brand of pseudo-international cuisine.

I suggested a coffee shop to Yudi for our language exchange, looking for a change of venue to keep things fresh. When she replied with UBC Coffee I was a bit sceptical, given my past experience, but Yudi protested that the food was good, so I put aside my reservations and resolved to give the place another chance.

First up I ordered an iced coffee which was terrible. The coffee itself had an overpowering synthetic flavour, and the chocolate sauce was a syrupy concoction that could most charitably be described as chocolate-coloured. The cream was satisfactory though.

Bread came in little baskets, but this being China, was sweetened and accompanied with butter and jam. The soup was similarly sweet and unappealing. My Japanese curry chicken comprised a few chunks of gristly chicken in a sweet curry sauce, accompanied by sickly sweet pickles.

The restaurant featured an impressive white grand piano on a raised stage in the centre of the second floor. On closer inspection though, a single electric pedal replaced the central column. I sneaked a peek inside only to find the harp had been replaced with some sort of electronic music box! Bizarre!

Restaurant Reviews 101: Be balanced in one's opinions.

So what was good about the place? One, they let us sit there chatting bilingual nonsense for almost six hours. Two, the bathrooms were immaculate. Three, they featured these goldfish. Despite the tiny bowl, and the constant view of either wall, or people peeing, these are probably among the best-kept pet fish in all of Harbin - Auntie Xiao has a couple of tanks so murky, it's hard to see the fish when they swim to the back!