Little Emperors

I sometimes grab lunch in a little restaurant next to a primary school halfway between university and the flat.

Today there was a little kid, must have been about ten, sitting across from me, fiddling with the television remote and flicking channels every three seconds. He had this mean, squinty scowl on his face, and he'd pause every so often on some inane soap, or a special report on giraffes, squint even harder, then continue his channel-hopping.

Now, I don't blame him for being unsatisfied with the state of free-to-air television - it is, as I suspect is the case in most countries - consistently terrible* - but the way he demanded his food in a high-pitched whine; receiving his food without even acknowledging the waitress; his double-fisted stuffing of egg after egg and dumpling after dumpling into his slack, sauce-smeared jaw; and his cocky little swagger on his way out just made me want to punch him his pudgy little face.

A related issue got raised in Speaking Class. The 80后 generation - kids born after the turmoil of the 1970's and since the institution of the 计划生育政策 (commonly called the One Child Policy, but more accurately 'Planned Birth Policy') - are China's Generation X: A whole generation of supposedly terminally arrogant, aggravatingly spoiled only-children, who, nonetheless, are facing the pressure of "1-2-4": Each child responsible for the well-being of two parents and four grandparents in their old age.

There's even a nickname for these brats: 小皇帝 or 'Little Emperors'. The social, economic and political ramifications are numerous and weighty enough to write a whole series of books on, but let me single out one aspect that has particularly caught my attention.

Although there are exceptions - non-Han Chinese ethnic minorities, farmers, doctorates, and (in the most recent revision of the policy) only-children** are all at least partially exempt - the vast majority of the population face economic sanctions in the form of a hefty fine, or even the loss of their job, if they have more than one child.

At the same time, there is a strong traditional bias in favour of boys. According to the ancient Book of Songs '诗经':

So he bears a son,
And puts him to sleep upon a bed,
Clothes him in robes,
Give him a jade sceptre to play with.
The child's howling is very lusty
In red greaves shall he flare,
Be lord and king of house and home.

Then he bears a daughter,
And puts her upon the ground,
Clothes her in swaddling-clothes,
Give her a loom-whorl to play with.
For her no decorations, no emblems;
Her only care, the wine and food,
And how to give no trouble to father and mother.

Through various means, the male-female ratio now stands at over 120:100 in favour of the fairer sex, and in some areas is as high as 140:100. In 2000, there were 19 million - that's 19,000,000! - more Chinese boys than girls in the 0-15 year old age range.

Clearly, twenty years down the line, China will be facing a massive demographic crisis. Literally millions of 光棍儿 ('bright-sticks' or bachelors) will be unable to find a wife. My predictions for the year 2027? Hordes of horny single men streaming over the borders into India and Russia in order to find a bride; history's first large-scale polyandrous communities; a heterosexual lifestyle becoming deeply unfashionable; and the Chinese invention of human-like, sexy, sexy robots.

All this said, it's perhaps a little easier to sympathise a little with that kid. He's facing a future of increased competition for a limited pool of potential wives, as well as the responsibilities of caring for a rapidly aging society. Then again, I still think he deserves a smack upside his greedy, fat head.

*One honorable exception: Comedy-faced, speech-impeded, James Chau of English-language CCTV 9 News is, to abuse and misuse a colourful Chinese idiom, an unlikely 'fresh flower' in the 'cow dung' of state-broadcast television, with his man-boy features and his unusual delivery [Image courtesy of CCTV.com]

** Actually, I'm not sure I support this part of the policy. As Jack Handey said: "I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."