这下面没有水，再换个地方挖

The essay-writing section of the HSK can take various forms. Sometimes the question will provide a short passage or a picture to provide inspiration, sometimes not. Sometimes it will ask the candidate to debate a hot topic, sometimes to describe an old friend.

One particularly unpopular question in the mock exam textbook shows five shapes - circles in various states of deformation, and one right-angled triangle. The paper demands the candidate (in Chinese, for the entire paper is set in Chinese) to "Describe each shape's appearance and position".

I had a go: "The fourth shape from the left looks like a giant biscuit, bitten by an old woman with no teeth. On the other hand, the fifth looks like a small tent has collapsed on a very thin man". Not easy.

I much prefer this question. With the help of my tutor, Teacher Wang, and several hours wracking my brains, I came up with this response, (recorded here as a record of my two and a bit years spent in the Middle Kingdom).
The caption reads: 这下面没有水，再换个地方挖 or "There's no water under here, I'll find yet another place to dig".

《这下面没有水》

漫画上画了一个男人。 他嘴里叼着一支香烟，手里拿这一把铲子。他正在说“这下面没有水，再换个地方挖”，悠闲自得地向前走。 他已经挖了五个深度各不相同的地方，但是都挖不到水。 有的地方他只挖了一点点，有的地方他再挖一点点就见到水了。 总之，虽然地下有水，但这个男人却没挖到够深的地方。
其实，男人再挖一点，或者一直在一个地方挖，他就会挖到有水的地方。 但是因为不仅挖了很多井，而且井都挖了一半就放弃了，所以没有成功。
这幅漫画有什么意义呢？ 有时候，成功只有一步之遥，有时候我们累得只有一口气，在坚持一下就会成功，所以做什么事情，都要坚持到底。 换句话说，我们没有毅力，没有耐心，就没有成功。
例如，我有一个朋友喜欢学外语。 他曾经学过中文，日语，俄语，西班牙语和意大利语。 有的语言踏雪了几天，有的语言他学了几年，一共花了不可胜数的数，花了无数的英镑买教材。 实则，我的朋友或多或少除了几个简单的句子以外，并不能用这几门外语人沟通。 也就是说，他连一门外语也没有掌握。
再举个例子，成龙摄影《警察故事》时，虽然受了很多次伤，但是没有放弃而坚持到底摄完那部电影。 所以，那不《警察故事》能上票房的十佳排行榜， 算是香港最成功的功夫片之一。
我不要做漫画上的这个小伙子。 我要坚持不懈地努力学好汉语，即使困难重重，我也相信总有一天我会说得和中国人一样好。 （其实，会说的和成龙一样好就行了！）

Even though the word count requirement is 400-600 words in half an hour, this isn't as hard as it sounds, even in the character-based nightmare that is learning Chinese. Spaces, paragraph indents, even full-stops and commas all count towards that all important word count.

I submitted this to Teacher Wang who got back to me a few days later with a handful of small changes and a “很好！” Disappointingly, no smiley face in sight. I suspected he hadn't really spent much time looking at it.

"What are my chances in the exam?" reminding myself exactly how much longer than thirty minutes I had spent writing, checking, correcting, and re-writing.

"Oh that'll be a [minimum level] 9, I'm sure," he reassured me, beaming "but nowhere near a [intermediate] 10". I think the exam's going to be tough.