After far too many attempts, I'm throwing in the towel on Bing Bing Bao Bei. My final two or three weeks in China involved a dizzying and exhausting trip to Shanghai and back, a lot of goodbye dinners, and an unexpected amount of work to wrap up loose ends.
That only left me snatched minutes here and there to sketch out blog posts, and I just don't have the energy or will to fill out those missing days any more. It's a shame too, because some exciting stuff happened. Simon and I fed a duck to a tiger (only to be trumped by Mark's cow tipping into the lion's den); we each bought several bespoke tailored suits; we saw a guy get hit by a go-kart; and of course we packed in plenty more odd food, Harbin Beer, and pointlessly competitive 'sports'.
After I'd seen Simon off at Pudong Airport, it was back to Harbin but the pace never slackened. I found myself in a petty haggling competition settling my landlord's bill (in the end, we'd argued over everything in the flat - the door, furniture, even rent - but at least they gave me big packet of Harbin sausages for my journey home); checked out Harbin International Beer Festival (where short-skirted model after short-skirted model strolled down the catwalk holding identical bottles of beer); and I tried to get as many training sessions of TKD under my 绿带 as I could, managing a personal best of 24 hours total training in the final six days. It paid off - I found I'd lost 7 kilograms during my trip, even with my all-beer, all-meat diet!
I want to lay this blog to rest and avoid any more tweaking. I'll look back on it from time to time, just like a diary, but there'll be no more major additions or edits. It's not because of any reservations I might have about 'journalistic truth', it's just that I'm so tired of the whole thing.
I'm pleased with myself for avoiding the worst of my negative impulses, and devoting more time to the good things than the bad. I'd rather leave a record of the things that have interested and pleased me, rather than those that have frustrated, or horrified.
Sure, everyone might have a novel in them, but from this little taster, I don't think the majority of people have the patience or self-control to go through the self-examination, censorship and research needed to be a success. Add to that the vital ingredients of imagination, experience and inspiration, and I'm surprised anyone writes at all.
So that's it: Bye Bye Bing Bing Bao Bei!
Friday, July 27, 2007
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Day Zero: Gangsters, A Guest And Gross Grub
After a series of delays, Simon finally arrived at Harbin's Taiping airport today, nineteen hours later than scheduled.
Eager to make use of every minute, we headed straight for Wu Ji for a selection of fried and/or greasy foods with Mai, Enxi, Heeya and Nanzhe.
The aim of Simon's three days here? To make this a compilation of Harbin's Greatest Hits, so naturally the first drinking destination was one of the outdoor beer tents along Central Street. At all of them, 10RMB (70p) gets you something like this.
On the way, Simon makes the timeless observation: "China is bigger than I thought it was".
To ease the beer down, both sides of the tent are lined with stalls selling everything from Donner kebabs to Malaysian fishballs, from tofu-on-a-stick to fried crispy bits.
Heeya contributed this fried squid, while I picked up a stick of deep-fried chicken heads, and some silkworm larvae.
Up to the challenge, Simon chomped down a stick of larva, leaving me awkwardly tearing the meat off the cheeks of the chicken heads. I cracked all three skulls open, exposing brains shaped like two kidney-beans, but couldn't bring myself to eat them. 1-0 to Simon!
A group of drunken middle-aged men approached me and asked if they could drink with my Russian friends. They looked upset when I informed them that Simon and Mai were English and Danish respectively, but quickly shook off their disappointment and reverted to their natural state of affable menace.
They repeatedly refused to answer any questions about their work, batting away any inquiries with a gruff aura of danger and impending violence. Instead, they insisted on buying us pitcher after pitcher of beer. By the eighth or ninth jug, Simon and I were absolutely convinced that they were gangsters on a night out.
One even insisted on accompanying Simon to the toilet, lest the 'Russian' get himself lost, or worse, shivved by a rival gang member.
Pretty soon, it was last orders. With palms softened with the blood of their enemies, the gangsters shook our hands and bid us goodnight, before staggering out of our lives forever. Simon and I returned to the flat and, so I wouldn't have to put up with his stink, dismantled my bed - Simon taking the mattress on the floor, while I got the wooden-slats-over-two-drawers combination that constituted the base of my bed.
Eager to make use of every minute, we headed straight for Wu Ji for a selection of fried and/or greasy foods with Mai, Enxi, Heeya and Nanzhe.
On the way, Simon makes the timeless observation: "China is bigger than I thought it was".
To ease the beer down, both sides of the tent are lined with stalls selling everything from Donner kebabs to Malaysian fishballs, from tofu-on-a-stick to fried crispy bits.
Up to the challenge, Simon chomped down a stick of larva, leaving me awkwardly tearing the meat off the cheeks of the chicken heads. I cracked all three skulls open, exposing brains shaped like two kidney-beans, but couldn't bring myself to eat them. 1-0 to Simon!
A group of drunken middle-aged men approached me and asked if they could drink with my Russian friends. They looked upset when I informed them that Simon and Mai were English and Danish respectively, but quickly shook off their disappointment and reverted to their natural state of affable menace.
One even insisted on accompanying Simon to the toilet, lest the 'Russian' get himself lost, or worse, shivved by a rival gang member.
Pretty soon, it was last orders. With palms softened with the blood of their enemies, the gangsters shook our hands and bid us goodnight, before staggering out of our lives forever. Simon and I returned to the flat and, so I wouldn't have to put up with his stink, dismantled my bed - Simon taking the mattress on the floor, while I got the wooden-slats-over-two-drawers combination that constituted the base of my bed.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Poor Pedestrians' Pavement Problem
Parking half off the road is one thing, taking a shortcut along several hundred metres of pavement is another.
Sometimes, traffic along West Big Straight Street gets a bit heavy. The solution? Going off-road.
Although the most egregious offenders are cars such as these, much more dangerous are the motorbikes and scooters that sneak up on unsuspecting pedestrians. That being said, this car was going at a good 20mph clip and will go on to narrowly avoid crushing those two pedestrians ahead.
I wish I were able to get a better, even more blatant shot, but the two dozen or so times I've seen this, I've always been too busy diving out of the way.
Sometimes, traffic along West Big Straight Street gets a bit heavy. The solution? Going off-road.
I wish I were able to get a better, even more blatant shot, but the two dozen or so times I've seen this, I've always been too busy diving out of the way.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Freaky Foods - Feasting On A Fatty Face
"Oh it's just some monkey brain fried rice", or "I'm not sure, but it's made from foetus".
Of course, I've gradually discovered that fact more often than than not catches up with fiction. Here, it not only catches up, it tackles fiction to the ground, punches it in the head, then dances off waving to the crowd. For some reason, bull penis or silkworm larva just doesn't cut it any more.
That said, answering "Pig's face!" to the question "That looks good. What is it?" still retains a certain pleasing ring... that is, until today.
I chanced upon a restaurant featuring the dish buried at the bottom of the menu. "Fortune favours the brave?" I asked myself, and took the plunge, ordering a plate.
How was it? Actually, not bad at all. The meat was smoky and flavoursome, and much more tender than any pork chop. What was probably the highest crispy skin-to-meat ratio of any cut on a pig lent a helping hand I'm sure.
Not surprisingly, it was horribly fatty. Four of us barely made it through half of the dish because it was just too 油腻 - a Chinese description usually translated as 'greasy' or 'rich' but also carrying the connotations of 'sickening'. In our defence, there was a fair amount of meat. You wouldn't get many of these portions off an average pig.
Even though I only managed a couple of mouthfuls, at least my list of 'Unusual Things I Have Eaten' continues to grow. Tick!
Graduation and Goodbyes
Teacher Yang asked me to deliver the students' speech at the 结业典礼, the Graduation Ceremony.
It's quite the honour. Every term, a single student is picked to say a few words thanking the teachers and other staff for their efforts.
Why me though? I suspect it might be because Koreans seem to be over-represented in every other aspect of University life (Russians seem curiously disinterested in getting involved), and I was the only non-Korean to pass the High-Level HSK.
"Hell no! I ain't nobody's performing monkey!!!" I yelled in my head. Back in real life, I politely murmured something about being quite busy for the forseeable future.
Teacher Yang is a formidable woman though, and combined with the privilege of being selected for last month's Opera outing, I had no choice but to agree.
"Don't worry about it. I did it last term, and noone listened anyway," advised Mingrui "but then again, maybe it's just me" he added insecurely.
Typically, I spent much too long agonising over the content, checking and rechecking with anyone that was naive enough to offer their help. In the end, I simply plagiarised myself from a short article I'd written for the HIT website mid-way through the term, and threw in a whole bunch of digs at Harbin's hard-drinking culture. Part prop, part crutch, I even took a bottle of beer up on stage with me.
Below is the full text with a rough translation.
亲爱的领导,老师,同学们,你们好。我是G班的徐惇。2007年1月,我从英国来到哈工大,学习一个学期。
Dear leaders, teachers and fellow students, greetings. I am Xu Dun from Class G. In January 2007, I arrived at HIT from London, to study for one term.
今天,我很荣幸被杨老师指派代表全体同学致谢词。其实,今天是我第一次做发言。如果讲得不好,请大家多多包涵。
It's a great honour to have been selected by Mrs. Yang to deliver this thank-you speech today. Actually, this is the first time I've given a speech, so please bear with me.
来到哈尔滨之前,我对这个城市并没有太多的印象,除了只知道这里人说一口地道的普通话,和这是一个在冬天冷得让外人觉得痛苦的冰城。
Before I came here, I didn't know much about this city, only that the locals speak excellent Mandarin, and winters in the Ice City are so cold they hurt.
至于第一个印象,这个大学的老师们喜欢说: "要学中文,来中国。要学普通话,来哈尔滨。要学标准普通话,来哈工大。"
As for the first impression, teachers here are fond of saying: "To learn Chinese, come to China. To learn Mandarin, come to Harbin. To learn authentic Mandarin, come to HIT."
事实证明这个说法是对的。几个月来,我周围同学们的汉语水平逐步提高。并且,在与同学们,朋友们的学习,交流中,我自己的汉语水平也有一定的进步。
The facts have borne this statement out. These last few months, the Chinese of my fellow students has improved day by day. Moreover, through studying and communicating with friends and other students, my own Chinese has somewhat improved.
相反,第二个印象被证实是错误的。如果多穿几层暖衣服的话,零下20度竟然是可以忍受的。
On the other hand, the other impression was proved false. If you wear a few more layers of clothes, -20 degrees is surprisingly tolerable.
为了保暖,哈尔滨人还有一个比较独特的方法 -- 啤酒! 哈尔滨啤酒 -- 也叫做"哈啤"已有上百年的历史。一瓶只需要2块钱,再说,不仅是冬天能喝的。反而,夏天清凉爽口! 真是价廉物美!
Harbiners also have another, unique, method of staying warm - beer! Harbin Beer, also known as 'Hapi' has already enjoyed a history of over 100 years. One bottle is just 2RMB (13p). It's not just during winter you can drink it though. During summer, Hapi is cool and refreshing. Truly it's a great product at a low, low price!
难怪哈尔滨人那么喜欢喝哈啤. 我听说哈尔滨是世界上啤酒消费第二的城市. 我相信如果我们留学生努力帮助的话,本市会达到第一名! 大家加油!
No wonder that Harbiners love drinking Hapi. I heard that Harbin is the world's second greatest consumer of beer in the world. I trust that with the efforts of us foreign students, this city can become the world's number one! Do your best everyone!
最后,我要感谢G班的徐老师,张老师,还有三位王老师, 以及学校所有的工作人员。从晦涩的语言学到不寻常的方言俚语,从寻找室友到推荐餐馆,他们一直都非常乐意在课堂内外帮助我和我的同学。
Lastly, I'd like to thank Class G's, Teacher Xu, Teacher Zhang, and three Teacher Wangs, as well as all the staff here. From obscure linguistic questions to rare slang, from finding a roommate to recommending a restaurant, they've all been extremely willing to help me and my classmates inside and outside of the classrom.
6个月一晃就过。虽然我快要回国上班,虽然我不知道以后会不会有机会再回到这儿,但是我永远都不会忘记哈尔滨。我永远都不会忘记哈工大。我永远都不会忘掉我的哈尔滨朋友。谢谢大家。
Six months have passed in a flash. Although I'm going home to start work soon, and although I don't know if i'll every have the chance to come back here, I know I'll never forget Harbin. I'll never forget HIT. I'll never forget my Harbin friends. Thank you all.
How did it actually go? Well Mingrui wasn't far off - a good proportion of the crowd wasn't too interested in what I was saying, and I delivered the whole speech through a low hum of chatter. The teachers loved it though. I saw Teacher Wang Lie off to the side red-faced with hilarity, and Teacher Zhang came up to me after and congratulated me on a job well done.
We all picked up our end-of-term exam results, as well as a graduation certificate bound in a little red book. For those of us that were eligible, we received a little red packet containing our 满勤奖 and a certificate for that too.
Later, nine of us also lined up to pick up red packets containing prize money for passing the HSK. I never realised it until I arrived in Harbin, but among Asians, Koreans have a reputation for being short.
Finally, a 2000RMB prize was awarded to a Korean guy who'd won a province-wide singing competition, thus bringing fame and honour upon HIT.
Here I am with combined winnings of 500RMB. That's 250 bottles of beer!
It's quite the honour. Every term, a single student is picked to say a few words thanking the teachers and other staff for their efforts.
Why me though? I suspect it might be because Koreans seem to be over-represented in every other aspect of University life (Russians seem curiously disinterested in getting involved), and I was the only non-Korean to pass the High-Level HSK.
"Hell no! I ain't nobody's performing monkey!!!" I yelled in my head. Back in real life, I politely murmured something about being quite busy for the forseeable future.
Teacher Yang is a formidable woman though, and combined with the privilege of being selected for last month's Opera outing, I had no choice but to agree.
"Don't worry about it. I did it last term, and noone listened anyway," advised Mingrui "but then again, maybe it's just me" he added insecurely.
Typically, I spent much too long agonising over the content, checking and rechecking with anyone that was naive enough to offer their help. In the end, I simply plagiarised myself from a short article I'd written for the HIT website mid-way through the term, and threw in a whole bunch of digs at Harbin's hard-drinking culture. Part prop, part crutch, I even took a bottle of beer up on stage with me.
亲爱的领导,老师,同学们,你们好。我是G班的徐惇。2007年1月,我从英国来到哈工大,学习一个学期。
Dear leaders, teachers and fellow students, greetings. I am Xu Dun from Class G. In January 2007, I arrived at HIT from London, to study for one term.
今天,我很荣幸被杨老师指派代表全体同学致谢词。其实,今天是我第一次做发言。如果讲得不好,请大家多多包涵。
It's a great honour to have been selected by Mrs. Yang to deliver this thank-you speech today. Actually, this is the first time I've given a speech, so please bear with me.
来到哈尔滨之前,我对这个城市并没有太多的印象,除了只知道这里人说一口地道的普通话,和这是一个在冬天冷得让外人觉得痛苦的冰城。
Before I came here, I didn't know much about this city, only that the locals speak excellent Mandarin, and winters in the Ice City are so cold they hurt.
至于第一个印象,这个大学的老师们喜欢说: "要学中文,来中国。要学普通话,来哈尔滨。要学标准普通话,来哈工大。"
As for the first impression, teachers here are fond of saying: "To learn Chinese, come to China. To learn Mandarin, come to Harbin. To learn authentic Mandarin, come to HIT."
事实证明这个说法是对的。几个月来,我周围同学们的汉语水平逐步提高。并且,在与同学们,朋友们的学习,交流中,我自己的汉语水平也有一定的进步。
The facts have borne this statement out. These last few months, the Chinese of my fellow students has improved day by day. Moreover, through studying and communicating with friends and other students, my own Chinese has somewhat improved.
相反,第二个印象被证实是错误的。如果多穿几层暖衣服的话,零下20度竟然是可以忍受的。
On the other hand, the other impression was proved false. If you wear a few more layers of clothes, -20 degrees is surprisingly tolerable.
为了保暖,哈尔滨人还有一个比较独特的方法 -- 啤酒! 哈尔滨啤酒 -- 也叫做"哈啤"已有上百年的历史。一瓶只需要2块钱,再说,不仅是冬天能喝的。反而,夏天清凉爽口! 真是价廉物美!
Harbiners also have another, unique, method of staying warm - beer! Harbin Beer, also known as 'Hapi' has already enjoyed a history of over 100 years. One bottle is just 2RMB (13p). It's not just during winter you can drink it though. During summer, Hapi is cool and refreshing. Truly it's a great product at a low, low price!
难怪哈尔滨人那么喜欢喝哈啤. 我听说哈尔滨是世界上啤酒消费第二的城市. 我相信如果我们留学生努力帮助的话,本市会达到第一名! 大家加油!
No wonder that Harbiners love drinking Hapi. I heard that Harbin is the world's second greatest consumer of beer in the world. I trust that with the efforts of us foreign students, this city can become the world's number one! Do your best everyone!
最后,我要感谢G班的徐老师,张老师,还有三位王老师, 以及学校所有的工作人员。从晦涩的语言学到不寻常的方言俚语,从寻找室友到推荐餐馆,他们一直都非常乐意在课堂内外帮助我和我的同学。
Lastly, I'd like to thank Class G's, Teacher Xu, Teacher Zhang, and three Teacher Wangs, as well as all the staff here. From obscure linguistic questions to rare slang, from finding a roommate to recommending a restaurant, they've all been extremely willing to help me and my classmates inside and outside of the classrom.
6个月一晃就过。虽然我快要回国上班,虽然我不知道以后会不会有机会再回到这儿,但是我永远都不会忘记哈尔滨。我永远都不会忘记哈工大。我永远都不会忘掉我的哈尔滨朋友。谢谢大家。
Six months have passed in a flash. Although I'm going home to start work soon, and although I don't know if i'll every have the chance to come back here, I know I'll never forget Harbin. I'll never forget HIT. I'll never forget my Harbin friends. Thank you all.
How did it actually go? Well Mingrui wasn't far off - a good proportion of the crowd wasn't too interested in what I was saying, and I delivered the whole speech through a low hum of chatter. The teachers loved it though. I saw Teacher Wang Lie off to the side red-faced with hilarity, and Teacher Zhang came up to me after and congratulated me on a job well done.
Later, nine of us also lined up to pick up red packets containing prize money for passing the HSK. I never realised it until I arrived in Harbin, but among Asians, Koreans have a reputation for being short.
Here I am with combined winnings of 500RMB. That's 250 bottles of beer!
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
The Tower of Dragons
Despite the name, the place looks nothing like a Dragon. In fact, the exterior is a parabolic lattice which supports a giant ball hovering above a flying saucer. Perhaps I would find the mythical creatures hiding inside? I went in to have a look.
The first few floors housed a hodge-podge of disparate attractions. Apart from the obligatory gift-shop, there was a fountain, a creepy film set ...
The flying saucer housed a revolving restaurant, much like that found at the top of Shanghai's Pearl Tower. I went up in the dizzying glass-fronted lift with rock-bottom expectations. After all, if even Shanghai's iconic skyscraper could manage to combine shoddy service and execrable food with international business traveller prices, what hope for this, a remote outpost in a frozen corner of the country?
In the end, my expectations were just about satisfied. Waitresses barked orders at us, forgot or ignored our various requests, and slammed down the bill as if affronted we had the cheek to disturb their scowly-faced loitering.
Meanwhile, the food was definitely middling buffet fare - a Cantonese-style roast meat carvery, salad bar, limp sushi, and for dessert, uninspired cakes and two flavours of ice-cream that both left a synthetic aftertaste.
One unexpected delight was an American-style grill serving up pork and lamb chops. Confusingly, sausages were of the sweetened, dry Chinese variety, and the most popular offering was a giant bowl of squid legs.
On the other hand, the view was very pleasant. The whole city was tinged in that odd haze which seemed to afflict every city in this country to a greater or lesser degree. I'd be tempted to call it smog, except it doesn't taste like pollution, and most days it's only visible from the air. Perhaps its just low-lying cloud.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Construction Commentary
A quick post to note that, while this is no Shanghai, the pace of construction still makes a mockery of construction works back home. Why should this be?
Well, the relaxed interpretation of Health and Safety laws is almost certainly a factor. However, there's a sense of purpose and drive found in even the most exhausted and malnourished worker that I suspect is linked to patriotism. From most people, there is a palpable love for this country and powerful desire to see it retake its former place on the world stage.
Whatever the case, a huge swathe of the area near University has been dug up, quite literally overnight. Heavy machinery has been rumbling around the area for days now, and the day-to-day progress is remarkable. There's a refreshing lack of builder's bum, tea-breaks in front of idle machinery, and wolf-whistling of any kind. In fact, work is so intense that many workers eat, live and sleep on-site.
Another related quirk to note is that nothing, but nothing, slows down a Chinaman in full flow. Even though there is an underpass a few metres further along, the three-minute delay is absolutely intolerable to 95% of the foot traffic I've observed.
Here, you can see that even citizens of pensionable age are happiest taking a short-cut. It can be absolutely heart-stopping to see gramps racing between two incoming tractors. Elsewhere, people climb over, between or through the barriers erected, and risk life and limb dodging lorries and diggers en route to the other side.
There's a public education campaign doing the rounds with the message that "Saving a minute could cost you a lifetime" and it is ignored with an almost deliberate relish.
I can't decide whether this is a sign that China will soon be the world's greatest economy, or that it's setting itself up for a hard fall. For now, I'll keep jumping the fence just like everyone else.
Well, the relaxed interpretation of Health and Safety laws is almost certainly a factor. However, there's a sense of purpose and drive found in even the most exhausted and malnourished worker that I suspect is linked to patriotism. From most people, there is a palpable love for this country and powerful desire to see it retake its former place on the world stage.
Whatever the case, a huge swathe of the area near University has been dug up, quite literally overnight. Heavy machinery has been rumbling around the area for days now, and the day-to-day progress is remarkable. There's a refreshing lack of builder's bum, tea-breaks in front of idle machinery, and wolf-whistling of any kind. In fact, work is so intense that many workers eat, live and sleep on-site.
Another related quirk to note is that nothing, but nothing, slows down a Chinaman in full flow. Even though there is an underpass a few metres further along, the three-minute delay is absolutely intolerable to 95% of the foot traffic I've observed.
There's a public education campaign doing the rounds with the message that "Saving a minute could cost you a lifetime" and it is ignored with an almost deliberate relish.
I can't decide whether this is a sign that China will soon be the world's greatest economy, or that it's setting itself up for a hard fall. For now, I'll keep jumping the fence just like everyone else.
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