Bureaucracy Battles

I'm pretty angry as I write this.

Mr. Ming took me to the 派出所 (local police station) today to register my residence outside of the University accommodation. Gathering up my passport, housing contract, and a form from University granting me permission to live outside, we crunched out into the snow a few hundred metres to the dilapidated police station.

After examining my documents, the cop in the Foreigner Department filled in the appropriate paperwork, all the while grumbling that I should just live in the University dormitory. After completing the paperwork, he disappeared upstairs, only to reappear a few minutes later and tell Mr. Ming that I could not live outside, and refusing to sign my form!

Mr. Ming, kindly old fuddy-duddy kind of guy that he is, took this news without batting an eyelid, spinning on his heel and dragging me out as I mouthed my bewildered objections.

"Don't worry", he said, "the estate agent will come back here with you and sort it out", adding "Anyway, I've got to go. See you later."

Not a little confused at that non-sequitur, I went to meet Paul for a Chinese-English exchange session in one of the school canteens.

The Foreign Student Centre was no help either, telling me that they had given me permission, and beyond that, they had no influence over the police. I muttered that this was giving me a headache "头疼， 头疼" and the teacher laughed back that yes, he always found it a hassle to deal with them too.

"Just tell them that you're Chinese too, after all", he offered, "and that there are many other students who live outside of University dormitories. Whatever you do, though, don't argue with them", he warned, "and I think you'll be fine."

Afterwards, I resolved to go back to the 派出所 on my own and try my luck again. This time, I didn't even make it past the cop at the front desk - a sour-faced young man who constantly twirled a pen between his fingers. My protestations that I had already paid rent; that the government and school rules stated that I could live outside of University; and that this was the only way I could live with Chinese students (thus improving my Chinese quickly) were met with a cold stare and evasiveness.

His excuses ranged from the practical ("This is for your own safety. If something happened, who would take responsibility?" My reply of "I can take responsibility for myself" was roundly mocked and rejected), to the linguistic ("It's best if you learn from your teachers. If you live with Chinese students you'll pick up a lot of slang, and that won't be good. You should learn Chinese properly before you start to learn local dialects") and to the sublime ("You're a FOREIGN STUDENT aren't you? So you should live in the FOREIGN STUDENT building").

Eventually, he lost patience and snapped at me "Your Chinese is no good. Come back with someone who can speak proper Chinese and we can talk further." Never mind that I had understand every word he said, and that I had come with Mr. Ming that morning. I told him as such and sour-faced cop shouted back "Foreign students don't have the capability to live outside. It's impossible." Remembering that the cardinal rule in the face of Chinese bureaucracy is never to lose your temper, I thanked him as gracefully as I could manage, and asked him when the station chief would be free.

"He's in a meeting, so I don't know."

"Well, if I came back in a couple of hours, will he be free?" I asked.

"He's in a meeting. It's hard to say."

Sour-faced cop's colleague interjected patronisingly slowly with

"He's in a meeting." Then, "He doesn't understand" to sour-faced cop.

"I understand!" I said, "I'm asking if I should come back today or tomorrow."

Blank looks all around, then a chorus of "He's in a meeting".

There's no arguing with that kind of logic.